Last statement from man who immolated self in front of Keene, NH court house

Tom, I know this won't sit well with you, but I consider what this man did to be incredibly selfish. If, as he wrote, "family is really all we have," then how could he do this to his children? What about the rest of his family?

I am very, very sorry he felt that this was his only way "out," but a suicide of this kind is a statement, and a selfish, uncaring, vengeful statement, at that.

You can beat me up from now until Sunday, but it won't change my mind on this issue. His Grandma would have doubtless told him "Man, up, son, and deal with it - this is life." If Heaven exists, she's probably smacking him around, right now.

From the statement:

*********

My story starts with the infamous slapping incident of April 2001. While putting my four year old daughter to bed, she began licking my hand. After giving her three verbal warnings I slapped her. She got a cut lip. My wife asked me to leave to calm things down.

**********

He slaps a four year-old child across the face, hard enough to cut her lip? For licking his hand? I don't suppose it occurred to him to turn her over and smack her bottom, in a non-injurious manner? Come on, Tom. This guy was an angry, controlling person. Read the whole statement, and take off the "men are victims" blinders. His comments about his family, the angry letters, the war references - the slapping incident very likely wasn't an isolated, one-time episode.

This guy chose self-immolation over maybe doing some jail time, as undeserved and improper as that jail time might have been - did he really care about his girls, or himself?

There's no doubt he got a raw deal in some ways from the system, and "The Man," but based on his history, and his final action, I'd say he wasn't an "innocent victim" in all of this. He's done more lifelong damage to his children than any four courts and prosecutors could have done, combined.

I don't know. Burning yourself alive with gasoline is "selfish"?

You are having an emotional defensive reaction.

Huh? His kids have been left to deal with his horrific death, and you don't think that's "selfish"? Come on, Tom. Who did his actions really hurt? Yes, he suffered -- not an easy death, by any means. However, his death came pretty quickly. His children get to suffer for an entire lifetime. His family, as well.

Well, his kids will suffer for life.

But tell me, do you think he WANTED to hurt his kids by this?

A couple of things come to mind from the letter. Read it carefully - it is very well-written. I didn't see anywhere where he blamed his wife, and no where does he recommend that any person be harmed. Even where he suggests the distruction of (only) property, it includes a caustic irony: "I wonder if you can get hip waders over a gun belt?"

Tom, his actions are self-evident -- by default, he wanted to hurt his kids. He knew this would damage them, but he didn't care enough to hang around and see the process through.

Yes, it's a very well-written letter. By an odd happenstance, the very calculated, articulate, detailed nature of the letter indicates that his actions weren't those of someone with a desperate, disorganized mind. What he did was clearly methodical, and well thought-out in advance.

Some day, those children will be 18, and his visitation would have been up to them. He was too selfish to wait that long.

Tom, glad you're back!

Me, too -- as I've indicated on some other threads on which Tom has recently chimed in. We may disagree sometimes, but that doesn't change my fondness for the Artillery Gunner.
:)

I think he just had enough.

I used to hear "in the rooms" that "God won't give you more than you can handle."

I've seen people tempered by fire, and grow and overcome. Walking miracles, and it's been my privilege to watch those miracles happen.

I've also seen too many tragedies, grief and permanently broken human beings.

I just don't think that statement is true anymore.

Naran you are right on this one!
I'll show them , I will write a statement and I'll do this at Court House etc. etc. etc. !
My sympathy goes to his kids and family ,the only thing he did right was just to himself .
The ultimate act of selfishness leaving a scar on his kids for a lifetime in all probability that' a real show of love !
There isn't anything that couldn't be explained in time to the kids and fixed even years down the road , thewr eis no explanation of this !!

Someone crashes and burns when they try and walk it alone. God said it Himself, "It's not good for a person to be alone." He meant it.

The ultimate act of selfishness

Boy, I'll bet you're so angry at him - you just wish there was some way you could make him pay for this.

Tom C
Not angry I see it just as I said. I give him credit for doing it correctly ,he didn't take anyone w/ him ! I feel bad for his family !
This type of act does nothing to change anything. Let's face it if your capable of doing that what else are you capable of doing? Rhteorical question read recent news from Dexter !

He didn't seem to have violent tenancies, but we need to know more about him. He has written elsewhere about the incident with his daughter, the Human Services Department investigated it, and came up with "No Finding" which is a strong point in his favor, they have a fairly low standard there to come up with a Finding, and the abuse charges were dismissed.

The care he took not to hurt anyone else physically is telling.

Self-immolation seems like a brutal way to go. This guy was hurting something awful.

By the way, here is the motion for the hearing that pushed him over the edge. It's brutal, even if that was only the "get tough" legal language:

http://freekeene.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/Motion_for_con...

The guy has been out of work since 2009, - still he apparently managed to pay $6,650 of about $8,500 of child support that accrued during the last year (see items 5 and 6 of the motion of contempt) but was threatened with jail if he didn't come up with the rest of the money, additional medical costs PLUS his ex's attorney's fees.

This had been going on for 10 YEARS. Claims of abuse, separation from his child, prosecution of various charges (none of which he was convicted of) and dealing with government agencies and others, who have nothing but contempt for men.

As a "last straw" this seems to fit the bill fine.

I wonder who is going to pay the attorney fees now. I mean, it seems like the lawyer did such a good job.

As I read the suicide's plaint, I can imagine a reasonable Tom Ball, a normal working stiff, a family man suddenly caught up in the Kafkaesque universe of domestic violence law. I have known some - mothers as well as fathers - who, once bowled over by a maliciously false protection-from-abuse order against them, would never the recover the perhaps illusory "family" they once believed was theirs. Almost any conceivable response to a PFA, from contrite agreement to righteous denial, works to confirm the subject's presumed guilt. The taint lasts forever.

I can also imagine an unreasonable Tom Ball, whose unreflective and brittle egoism prevented him from noticing that his "love" drew blood or that his marriage was on-the-rocks until the cops served him a PFA.

Whether Tom Ball was one or the other, I don't doubt that his story is faithful to the facts as he understood them.

economike, I have learned over the years that people are true to their character.

I want to know - were there other incidents of violence in this man's life? If he wasn't a violent person - then why was his life torn apart by a system designed to "prevent violence"?

There is no doubt this guy was put through the ringer - DHS investigations, numerous charges and prosecutions, endless financial obligations while he was unemployed - stop blaming this guy for ONE MINUTE and take a look at the whole thing.

Maybe he didn't have the best solution - but don't use that as an excuse to justify what the courts, lawyers, prosecutors and Domestic Violence industry did to him. For every Tom Bell, there are a million guys who put up with these outrages silently.

Stop beating Tom Bell for a minute - and see if you can do something for the men who are doing the Right Thing.

Tom C. -

I don't think I'm beating Tom Ball. I certainly don't intend to.

I am saying (1) I can't know his character and (2) I believe him.

Oh, sure, I understand. I was just making a rhetorical response.

Abuse of the PFA process sometimes traps women, too.

This is a true story.

A mother with full custody of two school-age children agreed to allow them to visit their father for a couple of weeks, as long as the father's parents were present. At the time, the father was on probation for conviction of a violent assault against another family member. The mother had full custody because the father's assault of the mother, in the presence of the children, had been established during their divorce proceeding.

After the children arrived at the father's home, he sent his parents packing. He then filed a PFA in behalf of the children against the mother. He simply invented details of her abusive behavior.

When she arrived to pick up the kids, the father called the cops. The mother produced proof of her custody rights. No dice. The PFA trumped the custody order. The father kept the kids while she anxiously waited a couple of weeks for the hearing date. He denied her all contact with the kids.

The father retained a lawyer and enlisted a few of his stoner friends to attend the hearing. The friends recounted vague and dubious anecdotes of the mother's past neglectful behavior toward the kids. The out-maneuvered mother, at this point in one level of Hell or another, could only produce her proof of custody and protest her fitness as a parent. No soap. The hearing was continued into late next month.

Finally, with much expense and effort, the mother retained a lawyer, lined up witnesses, and succeeded in getting her kids back.

The moral of the story is that the PFA process had enabled the father - a violent felon who had lost his custody rights - to legally abuse his children and his ex-wife. .

You've only added more to my claim that criminals get along fine with the court system - they are in their element. Naive, innocent people get chewed up.

Suicide.....a permanent solution to a temporary problem......

I endured 22 months of undeserved torture at the hands a psycho woman, a possessed cop, and the court system in Biddeford and Alfred before being found not guilty of stalking by a jury 11 years ago. Many scenarios passed through my mind. One was at a court appearance to stand up when my name was called and commit suicide. .25 caliber Beretta, temple, bang!

Chose a different tact and I'm here to contribute to this thread. Fought the charge, HARD. Meaning costly, serious dollars paid to a (well whatever).

charlie

Very sad ending to a very sad story. Considering what just happened in Maine (after 1 year in the system not 10), I find it hard to condemn this guy.

Justice is a joke in this country.

I haven't read anything posted here, don't care what he had to say. I am 100% in agreement with Naran, suicide is 100% selfish and only further injures those left behind. My sympathies rest with the family not the pathetic coward....

I haven't read anything posted here, don't care what he had to say.

Here's a list of others who deserve to be ignored.

My Uncle Bob sparked my lifelong love, interest in drums, drumming when I was about 5-years old. He took his life when I was 14. Forty-five years later that still causes me to tear up. It has been decades of what might have been had Uncle Bob lived. I understand hopelessness. But there's always tomorrow. Life often takes a 180-degree turn for the better. You just have to stick around to see it happen.

Best,
skf

http://bonjourplanetearth.blogspot.com/2011/06/buddhist-monks-self-immol...

"Hòa thượng Thích Quảng Đức was a Vietnamese Mahayana Buddhist monk who burned himself to death at a busy Saigon road intersection on 11 June 1963. Thích Quảng Đức was protesting against the persecution of Buddhists by South Vietnam's Ngô Đình Diệm administration" snip end

Scott - I hear you. There are some wounds in life, which although they might become easier to bear, never heal completely.

It’s too bad Tom Ball went down this path of destruction and in doing so turned himself into a human Molotov cocktail. Though the Buddhist Monks took up the practice self-immolation, they also subscribe to a philosophical view of non-violence and enter into deep states of consciences (most people believe they never felt any pain). Tom Ball was not of this creed. Tom Ball’s declaration of grievance was filled with his deep seeded disappointment in the system. He systematically fought the powers that be by waging a war of carrier attrition and even when he achieved success in rattling cages, he still found no comfort.

Painstaking research was done on his part to evaluate his perceived enemy. He tells his story and puts the apostrophe as himself. The Samurai Warriors would fall on their own sward to avoid a dishonorable death. I think Tom Ball did this to create terror, he like most suicidal men, went for a profound exit. It’s truly a shame that we have so many troubled people in the world, when so many more would offer their support had they known it was about to unravel.

Tom Ball is not a martyr. He was a troubled man with many reasons to be mad at the process, but at no point dose he take any responsibility for his own actions that lead to his demise. Perhaps one of those mental health workers he seemed to hate so badly will conduct an autopsy of his letters and attempt to learn something about this creed.