Susan Collins' Diary

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HOWARD ROARK
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Susan Collins' Diary

Dear Diary,

Cat Fight Call! Meow!

Can't write long, Olympia set me up with an appointment at her nail specialist. She's going to file mine into claws like Oly's so we can try to scratch the eyes out of the Right.

Are we so out of touch with the Republicans in the rest of America? They put Michael Steele in as RNC Chairman and look how he belittles Oly, Arlen and me! Why he said the Republican Party "lost its mind" on spending and small government and claimed opposing the stimulus is a "a core principled vote."

Then he goes and encourages primary opponents by saying we should "run through a gauntlet" and stand before the voters to "address a core question." Yikes!

Oly is fighting back. And she is so good at math. She reminded him that there are less of us now than there were then, or something like that. I don't understand it any more than I do the stimulus bill but if Oly says it, it must be good.

"When we were in the majority, there were more of us. Now that we're in the minority, there are less of us," she said. "If that's what they want to be, well that's their choice."

But I warned Olympia she shouldn't taunt them into making a choice. The nomination should just be given to us out of deference. We're too big to fail!

Joke's on them. Conservatives don't have a candidate strong enough to beat Oly or me in a primary. And if they put a strong candidate against Arlen, good old Joe Lieberman will visit Pennsylvania.

I am kinda scared because if Charlie Webster is legit, he might purge the State Convention management of our gang of suit-and-tie thugs who cut off opposition and pull microphone plugs. Gosh, imagine going to the convention and actually having to answer questions and listen to those icky conservatives. Naw, it will never happen. This is Maine!

Later, Diary, gotta get my claws sharpened for the cat fight.

Susan

HOWARD ROARK
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Susan Collins' Diary

Dear Diary,

Golly, am I stuck in it now.

I took so much crap for voting for the stimulus bill without knowing what's in it that my staff urged me to say in a statement on the Obama budget, “I will closely examine the full budget proposal when the details become available in the coming weeks."

Think anybody will remember the pledge to actually read it? I hope not.

How can I catch up on my Nancy Drew novels and my back issues of Oprah Magazine if I have to actually read the full budget?

Besides, my staff people talk to Arlen's staff people who talk to Democrat staff people, so I'll be given the proper cheat sheet from which to vote. I, of course, won't waste time talking to Republicans or taxpayer advocates because they don't send the tingle down my leg like those Democrats do. Ooooooooooooo!

Later, Diary,

Silly Susan

Ayn Now
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Susan Collins' Diary

Best thread in 6 weeks.

HOWARD ROARK
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Susan Collins' Diary

Dear Diary,

I guess my new exercise regimen is working out. Did you know that Olympia, Arlen and I now have the strength to upset the rest of the neanderthal Republicans in the United States Senate?

It's true. Why Jim DeMint from South Carolina said so himself.

"What we need to do is keep going after these Republicans who cut our knees out from under us," DeMint said. "These three just pulled the rug right out from under us. They were played for fools, in my mind."

Imagine, saying we were played for fools! Who does he think he is? Just because Republicans in the rest of America understand his views, doesn't mean those Republicans understand the Northeast. Okay, so Arlen, Olympia and I are the [b][i]ONLY[/i][/b] Republicans left in the Senate from the Northeast but that doesn't mean we're out of sync with the party, does it?

Well, the joke is on him and his ilk! Oly and I hold the Maine Senate seats. Okay, so the House seats are Democrat and the Governor is Democrat and the State House is Democrat and the State Senate is Democrat. So what? We win! Can't we gals be homecoming queens without getting pelted by pompons from Republican activists?

My job is to get myself reelected. It is not to worry about the Republican Party of the State of Maine. Besides, I do enough for the state by voting with Democrats so I have money to dangle at town meetings. Maine Republicans never put up viable primary opponents and the Democrats always go to their B-list to assure I'll win because they know they get more from me than they would from one of their own.

Later,

Susan

FXSTC
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Susan Collins' Diary

Ouch, funny but oh so true.....

HOWARD ROARK
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Susan Collins' Diary

Dear Diary,

Easy Maine media!

More face time on Channel 5 and I never had to discuss a weighty issue.

This time I just praised "Read Across America" which has absolutly nothing to do with my Senate office but got me on TV with no controversy.

As it was the birthday of Dr. Suess, I even got nice on-camera exposure reading to the children:

"I did not read the stimulus before I voted...
"I sided with socialists, it's been noted.
"Susan I am, I am, I am
"So I voted with Obama?
"Republicans: I don't give a damn!"

That's from "Green Eggs with Oly and Arlen." Republicans don't read enough books like this to their children.

Later,

Silly Susan

Scarlet Pimpernel
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Susan Collins' Diary

ROFLMAO

The Maine Media. Always good for a belly laugh.

HOWARD ROARK
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Susan Collins' Diary

Dear Diary,

I'm feeling dizzy. My world is just upside down right now.

Olympia and I fought off all those rightwing Republicans and helped foist John McCain on them as their presidential candidate despite others more to their liking. Then we went to bat for him during all those rightwing angst attacks against him. We even helped sabotage the Right -- remember how when Sarah Palin dropped in at Bangor International and Olympia never once mentioned her name when she had the microphone but praised McCain for how nice he was to Jock in Congress?

So, how does McCain show his gratitude to his girlfriends in Maine? The SOB actually sided with the Rightwingers and pushed to eliminate earmarks! I feel so jilted, Diary!

Earmarks, for heavens sake! How can I win reelections? I certainly can't do it on smarts. I certainly can't do it on adherence to Republican principles. I need those earmarks to dangle before those Maine sheep who eat the dollars right out of my hand so I can tame them!

Senator McCain’s offered an amendment that would have extended this Continuing Resolution through the remainder of the fiscal year, therefore reducing the funding for several government departments and programs. This is not a responsible way to fund the federal government indefinitely, and therefore, I voted against this amendment.

Golly! We just have to fund the federal government indefinitely. Otherwise how will SEIU and the others who suck off the public teat get the money to donate to Oly and me for our relection campaign funds?

I've got to lay down and get over this dizzy spell. Maybe Uncle Mert Henry still has it in him to crush those rightists and return the party to its former ways.

Later,

Susan

Mark T. Cenci
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Susan Collins' Diary

This is the best.

HOWARD ROARK
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Susan Collins' Diary

Dear Diary,

The struggle never ends!

Olympia and I are pulling strings to keep the Vice President out of Maine.

Did you see the picture of him beaming and embracing Arlen Specter? And then Joe opened his mouth with another gaffe.

The Associated Press reported:

"At a reception...in Philadelphia.., VP Joe Biden thanked Specter for supporting the stimulus bill.

"Biden said, 'In his heart, I know he's a Democrat.'"

Yikes! Oly and I hate guys who kiss and tell. They're not supposed to air our little secrets in public!

Worse yet, a reliable poll says 66% of Republicans in his state and 53% of all Pennsylvanians want to dump Specter. That would leave just Oly and me as the last of the northeast RINO's. We'd have nobody's back to hide behind.

I wonder what a poll would show is our support in Maine? Of course there is a big difference from Arlen's situation.

Maine media are no less liberal than Pennsylvania's but the Philadelphia, Harrisburg, Allentown, Scranton and Pittsburgh media are staffed by professionals who actually ask questions and tell their readers what Arlen is doing and saying. We don't have that problem in Maine -- they just print our grip-and-grin photos and rewrite our press releases without questioning or follow-up. So, I guess we don't have to worry as much as Arlen.

Later,

Silly Susan

HOWARD ROARK
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Susan Collins' Diary

Dear Diary,

Oink! Oink! Oink!

This Little Piggy went to network television. I think I looked pretty good in the black dress.

NBC Nightly News started a story on earmarks and Washington pork by showing some pigs in slop and then it cut right to a video of me defending earmarks for Maine lighthouses. Oink! Oink! Oink!

Hey, I've got to bring home the bacon.

I bet Oly is stewing right now because I made the network news instead of her.

Odd thing, Diary, is that Maine people don't seem impressed. One constituent said he got calls from out-of-state friends who saw me on TV. They called to ask him, "Why do you people in Maine keep sending those women back to the Senate?" My response is: tough. You got me through 2015. Suffer baby!

Later, dear Diary,

Susan

Bob Stone
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Susan Collins' Diary

How is our team in the US Senate going to vote on the 8.2% Omnibus budget? Any public positions yet? I've heard it is real close.

Town Manager
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Susan Collins' Diary

[quote="HOWARD ROARK"]Dear Diary,

"Biden said, 'In his heart, I know he's a Democrat.'"

Yikes! Oly and I hate guys who kiss and tell. They're not supposed to air our little secrets in public!
[/quote]

:lol:

HOWARD ROARK
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Susan Collins' Diary

Dear Diary,

Know any Sicilians I can contact privately to kneecap a big mouth Bates student?

I told Olympia we have to go out of our way to destroy the career of that loudmouth intern Vantiel Duncan who told the Bates student newspaper that calls to her office ran 25-1 against the stimulus in the weeks leading up to our votes for it.

I hate getting caught red-handed. I ordered my staff to start a myth that it the margin was only 2-1. And I ordered them to claim most calls were from out-of-staters when the big mouth said Oly was actually getting these calls from constituents.

Then this wise ass Bates student that Oly gave access to our secret sanctum goes and blabs what we tried to hide.

Next thing you know, we're going to face some jerk at a Q&A asking whether we vote our conscience or the will of constituents. I don't like trick questions. My vote was neither for my conscience nor my constituents -- it was so I could hang out with the popular kids from the Democrat side of the aisle. I can't get naughty among Republicans.

Golly, you know what a geek you feel like sitting with the Republicans in the cafeteria when the Democrats at the other tables have all the fun? Obama wouldn't have had me at the White House to woo me if I were a Democrat. He said he gets his kicks "fooling around on the wrong side of town" - whatever that means. Wicked fun, though.

Later, friend diary,

Susan

JIMV
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Susan Collins' Diary

"Aristocrats... fear the people, and wish to transfer all power to the higher classes of society." --Thomas Jefferson to William Short, 1825. ME 16:96

HOWARD ROARK
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Susan Collins' Diary

Dear Diary,

Silly me!

Why am so worried about the story in the Bates student newspaper? Nobody reads it except for kids on campus and busybodies on As Maine Goes.

Regular Maine media won't report it. So nobody will know what that big mouthed intern leaked.

A crusty old newspaper type said the Bates article was the best piece of enterprise journalism on the stimulus bill in Maine. That's where I've got them by the short hairs, dear Diary; no mainstream media in Maine would go to such lengths to write a story.

Media coverage in Maine is a daisy chain. Oly or I send a press release or whisper in a reporter's ear. One reporter rewrites the press release and gets his or her own byline on the story as if they actually did some work to report it. Then the Portland and Bangor radio stations read the first paragraph word-for-word on their morning newscasts to make it sound like they're earning their paychecks actually covering news. Then the TV stations roll stock B-footage of Oly or me giving a speech (giving us valuable free face time) while they read the first paragraph of the newspaper story. Then the next day Associate Press moves the story and all the other papers print it.

And we don't have to worry about investigative journalism or aggressive reporters because the news media business in Maine is in such dire straights that they'd rather keep a low prifile to protect jobs than to be aggressive and get angry calls or letters to the editor.

Either way, dear Diary, Oly and I win! Baa, baa, little sheep!

So, let those obnoxious college kids play journalist. When they get into the real world and need real paying jobs they'll have to trip over my supporters and then they'll learn what payback time is like!

Later,

Silly Susan

Mike G
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Susan Collins' Diary

I hope Oly is reading this thread

JIMV
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Susan Collins' Diary

When one cannot use force to remove rotten politicians, the remaining option is to get folk to laugh at them....Maine's dynamic duo are not as funny as, say Babbling Biden, but they do rank pretty high when considering Republican elected officials...

blkrepublican
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Susan Collins' Diary

PULITZER PRIZE IN THE MAKING ! :-D

Islander
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Susan Collins' Diary

This is great stuff, please keep it coming.

HOWARD ROARK
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Susan Collins' Diary

Dear Diary,

Are you breaking our confidential secrets?

Somehow my diary entries are leaking out.

A Black Republican said it is Pulitzer Prize quality. Whoopie! Wouldn't that be sweet?

Bill Cohen sold out the Maine GOP and was rewarded by Clinton as his Secretary of State. But Bill didn't even get awarded the Croix d'Pizzazz from the French government!

Later,

Suz

Anonymous
Susan Collins' Diary

The sad part is is that this isn't limited to Maine:

Media coverage in Maine is a daisy chain. Oly or I send a press release or whisper in a reporter's ear. One reporter rewrites the press release and gets his or her own byline on the story as if they actually did some work to report it. Then the Portland and Bangor radio stations read the first paragraph word-for-word on their morning newscasts to make it sound like they're earning their paychecks actually covering news. Then the TV stations roll stock B-footage of Oly or me giving a speech (giving us valuable free face time) while they read the first paragraph of the newspaper story. Then the next day Associate Press moves the story and all the other papers print it.

And we don't have to worry about investigative journalism or aggressive reporters because the news media business in Maine is in such dire straights that they'd rather keep a low prifile [sic] to protect jobs than to be aggressive and get angry calls or letters to the editor.

The standard for "journalism" now is the "he said-she said" report, in which the journalist cannot be bothered to actually look into the facts themselves, either because they don't care to, or there is no money to, or because their editor told them not to do so (why is it that I think it is a combo of all three?).

A classic example is the reporting on the EFCA - next time you see a story about it, call the reporter to se if s/he has actually read the bill, and understands how it amends the NLRA (this assumes that you have done so too). So far my experience with both reporters and editors from Maine and away is that they have not.

The Distributist
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Susan Collins' Diary

[quote="Gerald Weinand"]The standard for "journalism" now is the "he said-she said" report, in which the journalist cannot be bothered to actually look into the facts themselves, either because they don't care to, or there is no money to, or because their editor told them not to do so (why is it that I think it is a combo of all three?).

A classic example is the reporting on the EFCA -[/quote]I offer as an even more classic and insidious example of the media's inability to look into facts the election of Øbama.

Islander
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Susan Collins' Diary

Well said Dist and they are still propping the man up.

Don Jones
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Susan Collins' Diary

Dear Howard Roark, [b]Oly[/b] may be a nickname that Sen Collins might use, but I prefer Lympie. It seems to flow better in [b]Susie and Lympie[/b]

neen
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Susan Collins' Diary

Dear Diary,

This is Oly's and my secret plan. Shhhhhh. Don't tell anyone...

Why I voted Democrat

- I voted Democrat because I love the fact that you can now marry whatever you want, as long as it's a mammal.

- I voted Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't.

- I voted Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money you earn than you would.

- I voted Democrat because freedom of speech is fine as long as it agrees with the Liberal Progressive agenda.

- I voted Democrat because when we pull out of Iraq I trust that the bad guys will stop what they're doing because they now think we're good people.

- I voted Democrat because you're way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that your local police are all you need to protect you from murderers and thieves.

- I voted Democrat because I believe that people who can't tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius.

- I voted Democrat because I'm not concerned about the slaughter of millions of babies so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.

- I voted Democrat because I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves.They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as THEY see fit.

- I voted Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite The Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

- I voted Democrat because my head is so firmly planted up my .ss that it is unlikely that I'll ever have another point of view.

Don't forget. Shhhhhhhhh.

Later,

Soozy

neen
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Susan Collins' Diary

sorry. double post

Roger Ek
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Susan Collins' Diary

"I hope Oly is reading this thread"

Not a chance, but Gail Kelly will.

Rick
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Please Don't Stop

Lovin this stuff.

I can only pray that Snowe (Oly/Limpie) and Soozy are reading this.

HOWARD ROARK
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Susan Collins' Diary

Dearest Diary,

[b][size=24][/size]I'm B-a-a-a-ck![size=12][/size][/b]

Did you miss me, dear friend?

I've been laying low for the past week, trying not to draw too much attention to myself and letting Olympia get in trouble.

She got a sweetheart story on CNBC making her sound like a statesman or something because she has zero earmarks but voted for the earmarks. Easy for her to do, the bitch! She had me do all the earmark announcements and take the flack. But she supports them, don't let her fool you.

Then, in a rare moment of sanity, I pushed to cut off debate on the Omnibus Appropriations Bill and Oly opposed me. She sure is a fickle friend.

We're drawing closer again, however, when it comes to wasteful spending of government money. The two of us double dated with the two Democrats from Delaware this week to seek $400 million for "significant research investments in our energy future" by calling for R&D money for offshore wind power. Oh, I suppose it would be more efficient if private business did the research seeking profitable development but our leader Obama has taught us that business is bad and government is good. Besides, poor Ted Kennedy is too sick to go sailing so we can't get lots of wind blowing from him any more.

Anyway, I'm exhausted. And I'm still fending off those terrible people back in Maine. The conservatives say I've done too much and the liberals say I've done too little. No matter how hard this girl tries, she just can't seem to please anybody. At least I have you to listen to me, my dear friend Diary.

Later,

Silly Susan

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