Susan Collins' Diary

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HighlanderJuan
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Susan Collins' Diary

Howard, keep up the great work. You're doing with humor what others can't do on a serious note.

Thanks for being there.

Punk
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Susan Collins' Diary
HOWARD ROARK
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Susan Collins' Diary

Dear Diary,

Wow! I feel like the coolest girl in the class. Chuck Shumer and Chris Dodd are wooing me, mining for votes. Such wicked guys. Up in The County we'd call them Les Charbonniers de' L'enfer, The Coalminers from Hell. Wicked fun!

They're carrying our Lord Obama's water on the mortgage cramdown bill. The bill, which has already passed the House, would allow judges to write down mortgage debt for people in bankruptcy court. Democratic leaders have long sought such a "cramdown" provision for homeowners.

The bill needs 60 Senate votes to clear a procedural hurdle to passage, and Democratic aides say they are several votes shy.

So, Schumer and Dodd have come a-courting! They need me. They really need me. I feel so loved right now.

Can't say I understand it fully but they tell me it will protect homeowners from greedy bankers or something like that. Hey, who is it going to hurt it Maine? Other than a few small banks from places like Machias and the credit unions, aren't most Maine people held under the yoke of out-of-staters like Key from Cleveland or foreigners like Toronto Dominion (TD)?

I'm enjoying the courtship so much from Chuck and Chris. Perhaps Yellowlight from Bangor Savings will call me to woo me for the otherside. This girl just loves the attention. I wonder if Obama will let me back into the White House for another tea party....."E-bo-ny and I-vor-ree!" Oooooooh! The tingles.

Besides, it would save me having to read the entire bill. Why should I have to read the fine print any more than those poor people who put their signatures on mortgages which have left them upside down?

Later,

Susan

Scarlet Pimpernel
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Susan Collins' Diary

Brutal. Just brutal. But the naked truth.

There is no more powerful political tool than ridicule. This sell out artist deserves it ... both barrels.

HOWARD ROARK
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Susan Collins' Diary

Dear Diary,

Do you think I could get national face time on Charlie Rose?

He had Nancy Pelosi on and she got to claim that she's not partisan.

Hey, I've got an even better claim to non-partisanship than she does! When was the last time I listened to Republicans?

Later,

Silly Susan

HOWARD ROARK
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Susan Collins' Diary

Dear Diary,

Promise me there are no clever conservatives in Maine like that upstart Pat Toomey in Pennsylvania.

The audacity of that guy to attack my dear buddy Arlen Specter!

"Given Sen. Specter's voting record and the interest of senior Democrats in wooing him, it's pretty clear that, substantively, he is a Democrat," Toomey [said]. "I wish he would switch to the Republican Party."

Can you imagine if anybody in Maine went public against Olympia or me like that? Nah, couldn't happen!

Later,

Susan

HOWARD ROARK
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Susan Collins' Diary

Dear Diary,

This week they're talking about Cap and Trade.

I'm confused and don't understand it any more than I did the stimulus bill.

Oh well, if that's what they want it must be important. I've a Red Sox cap I can trade with Barbara Boxer for a Dodgers cap. They let Manny be Manny. Why can't Maine people just let Susan be Susan?

Later,

Silly Suz

HOWARD ROARK
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Susan Collins' Diary

Dear Diary,

4,000 consecutive Senate votes without missing one! Can you believe it?

Dearest diary, have you any idea what I've voted on? Because, to be honest, I don't. I just ruin my high heels running down the hallway and hope Arlen Specter or Joe Lieberman is there to tell me how to vote.

I don't have to know what it is but it sure looks good on campaign brochures to say I never missed a vote. But those nasty Maine Republicans are howling that I should read them before I make a decision. Geez, that's work that takes time from visiting Obama at the White House and getting interviews on PBS.

Well, the roll call bell is ringing. I don't know why but I better get over there and cast a vote.

Later,

Susan

Mike G
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Susan Collins' Diary

Vote NO, Silly, Vote no, best to you and diary

HOWARD ROARK
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Susan Collins' Diary

Dear Diary,

Oh my brain hurts! All this economics talk is driving me crazy. Who knew you really had to study that stuff in school? I never got beyond the little chart showing guns and butter. I still can't figure that one out and now they want me as their Senator to defend what Oly and I did to the economy!

Did you read what Gregg over in New Hampshire said?

“This debt buildup is due to massive spending that we cannot afford, and deficits that go unaddressed. Unfunded entitlement obligations also are ignored. Debt at that level is unsustainable and represents an unprecedented threat to our economy and the value of our currency. This debt could very well bankrupt future generations. Our struggling economy is now at a crossroads, and I strongly urge the Democratic majority to show the fiscal restraint needed to control spending, maintain a fair tax policy and cut the deficit, so that we can head off the avalanche of debt that is poised to crush the economy,” he said.

Oh, those guys across the border in New Hampshire! I don't understand all of that. But I can assure you, Diary, I've more consecutive votes than he has! So there!

I don't know what they're all howling about. I voted for federal funds to stimulate the economy. Maine Arts Commission is going to get money to give to artist groups which are 501c non-profits. Those Maine Republicans -- nerds that understand whatever it was Gregg said -- laughed at me and pointed out that 501c's don't pay taxes. Hey, it IS creating jobs -- Maine Arts is keeping nearly 9% of the federal money to create a staff position to administer the money to the other non-profit artists.

Can't they understand that Maine isn't like those other states? Oly is out condemning "obcene bonuses" because nobody in Maine has a job that creates enough capital to earn big bonuses. Senators from the West and South tell me their state governments are open to any entrepreneur who invests new capital in the local economy and creates jobs. Nice if you've got state regulations which favor that kind of stuff. But we're from Maine where only government has the money and politicians and NGO's are the only ones creating new jobs.

Those pesky Maine Republicans think we should be more like the West and South and "grow" the ecnomy. Geez! There goes my fun. That would force me to socialize with people like Dana Rohrbacher and Jeff Flake and Haley Barbour. They're not as much fun as Barney Franks and Ted Kennedy and Diane Feinstein.

Gotta run and take an aspirin. Being a Senator is a lot harder than this girl thought it would be.

Later,

Suz

HOWARD ROARK
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Susan Collins' Diary

Dear Diary,

Olympia is so smart.

Federal stimulus dollars have begun to flow, initiating an "amazing" number of projects and creating jobs, Oly said Wednesday.

It's "paramount [for people] to see that activity, creating jobs or averting job losses," she said.

[S]tate officials "have an understanding that they have to deliver this funding[,] projects...efficiently and effectively -- not mismanage the way in which this money is distributed and which projects get underway."

A Ponzi Scheme couldn't work any better! We voted for a massive government spending plan only we called it a Stimulus Package and made the suckers think it would enhance business development and new private jobs. Gee, it's so easy. We can fall back and say at campaign time that we challenged with federal budget because this was deifferent.

What fun.

Later,

Silly Susan

HOWARD ROARK
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Susan Collins' Diary

Dorogaya Diary,

Zdravtvuite! I assume it's safe to come home from Russia now. There's no more Tea Parties scheduled, are there?

Wasn't my timing great? I didn't have to hide in my office while those icky conservatives demonstrated against taxes and the stimulus and the expansion of government.

Poor Arlen. I understand that he has a primary opponent again. I doubt there is a Twoomey in Maine to take on Olympia. I'd hate to see that happen because if he or she shows well in a Maine GOP primary, he or she might be emboldened to run against me.

What ingrates! I'm scooping up pork in Washington for them and they think I shouldn't.

Well, back to the boring grind of trying to act like a Mainer while enjoying the high life in DC.

Later,

Susan

Beth O'Connor
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Susan Collins' Diary

Susan, I would have prefered you stay in Russia, but since you are back I think I should let you know the tea parties have been an astounding success. Hiding in your office will do you no good. Us icky conservatives will find you and hound you where ever you go. You blew it....big time.

Melvin Udall
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Susan Collins' Diary

I'd forgotten about this thread; thanks for bringing it back!

HOWARD ROARK
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Dear Diary, Ohmygawd! Arlen

Dear Diary,

Ohmygawd! Arlen is turning Democrat!

Isn't that just like all those guys who get what they want out of a girl and then kiss and run?

Oly and I are left stranded all alone.

And if Maine Republicans revolt against us it looks like national GOP isn't even going to help us. Mike Steele didn't even cry over Arlen and issued a statement telling him to not let the door hit him on the ass on his way out!

Yikes!

Is Maine out of step with mainstream America or is the national Republican Party out of step with us?

What are we girls to do? I'm a damsel in distress and I don't see many Maine Republicans running to our rescue.

Later,

Susan

Melvin Udall
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I can drink both democrat

I can drink both democrat with half a shot of cheap chablis.

HOWARD ROARK
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Dear Diary, Olympia is a

Dear Diary,

Olympia is a copy-cat!

“Many Republicans feel alienated and disaffected from the party. It just helps nourish a culture of exclusion and alienation,” she was quoted in the Bangor Daily News, referring to our buddy Arlen.

Well, I was glancing at constituent letters and guess what! Angry Maine Republicans use the same words about Oly and me!

I've been asked four times to go to the Democrats which is four times more than I've been wooed to stay with the Republicans. And now I hear they're openly articulating opposition to Oly and me at country committee meetings. Yikes!

Wow! Ever feel like you've painted yourself into a corner and can't get out?

Later,

Silly Susan

Jim Corr
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Howard - It's been awhile

Howard - It's been awhile since I peeked at the diary. Great stuff! I'll bet "Silly Susan" checks it out every day just to see what she is thinking!

Al Amoling
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I check it to see what she's

I check it to see what she's thinking also.

mediadog
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I think Howard has too much

I think Howard has too much time on his hands.

BlueJay
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LOL. Yes, mediadog, but at

LOL. Yes, mediadog, but at this time of day it's a wonderful diversion from the serious matters of the day. A little whimsy and good satire are necessary once in a while.

Calvin
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Dear Susan; It's not a total

Dear Susan;
It's not a total bad thing to be asked to go to the Democrats. It's not a bad thing that you were not asked to stay with the Republicans. After all, you do have a claim on your own actions don't you?
I mean it's not like you play games like "monkey see, monkey do."
The really bad thing that is upsetting, I would think, is those four times you were asked to go to the Democrats; the request was made by Republicans!

HOWARD ROARK
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Dear Diary, Olympia just

Dear Diary,

Olympia just doesn't listen to anyone any more!

She mentioned her last reelection and told Bill Nemitz in the Press Herald that she's surprised that nobody in the national party expressed curiosity why.

Gee, Oly. Open your ears!

National Republicans do express curiosity all the time about us. Why every time I have to meet with a group of Senate Republicans they shake their heads, look me right in the eye and mutter, "How in hell do you girls from Maine get elected?"

Later,

Suz

Mike G
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how can we forget Susan's

how can we forget Susan's Diary in times like these?

Vic Berardelli
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Susan stopped keeping a

Susan stopped keeping a diary. But I enjoyed reading it one last time before AMG goes off-line and takes it away.

Islander
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Vic, thanks for resurrecting

Vic, thanks for resurrecting this thread.

2ndwind
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One of my all-time favorite

One of my all-time favorite threads. Thanks

taxfoe
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DemNemisis . . while there's

DemNemisis . . while there's still time and if you ever get tired of reading your own, tired, words, over and over, again . .
__________________________________________

All credit to HOWARD ROARK but neen's post was my favorite.

Vic Berardelli
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HOWARD! Where are you? You

HOWARD! Where are you? You seem to have the key to the diary and we're anxious to read more.

1Maine1lostcause
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I'm still not convinced it's

I'm still not convinced it's Collins real diary. I'm not sure she is fully capable of understanding her own motives. It is more likely her subconscious's diary.

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