Unelected Turkey Senators

“What gives?” I asked the attendant behind the counter.

My buddies and I watched, anger evident in our eyes, as another group of bowlers took our regular lane at the Capitol Alley in Washington DC. We had been bowling together on the same night on the same lane for years. “Who the heck are these guys?”

The attendant said, “Those are Congressional Caretakers. There a new five-man bowling team. They’re in the Senate and said we could bump you so they could bowl.”

“Well we’ll just see about that,” my chums and I said in unison. We had already had a pitcher and were feeling our oats- plus it would be a shame for us to not get to bowl when we had on our red and white matching bowling team shirts.

Being the team captain, I once bowled a turkey, I stepped up to one of the Senators and said, “Look Sir, no disrespect but we always bowl here on Friday nights.”

“Not tonight you don’t,” he said. “I’m Senator Paul Kirk from Massachusetts and we have taken over your lane by necessity. The Senate is staying overtime and we need to be able to unwind before we vote on the big Healthcare bill this weekend. Where are you from?”

“I’m from Maine,” I said.

“I don’t answer to you. You don’t live in my state,” Kirk said smugly. I wanted to cream him with my 12 pound bowling ball but knew that would land me in the gutter.

“He may not be from Massachusetts but I am,” said my buddy Paul Kupewicz from Haverhill. “You’ll answer to me.”

The smug smile got even smugger- if that’s possible. “Actually, I don’t answer to you either. I was given this job by Governor Deval Patrick after Senator Kennedy passed away. So I only answer to him.”

“You won’t be so smart when you have to run for reelection, wise guy,” Paul said poking the weasel in the chest.

He just shook his head. “I’m not going to run for reelection. I’m only finishing out Kennedy’s term so there is nothing you can do about it.” Then he turned and picked up a spare.

We were shocked.

“What about the rest of you,” I said. “Do any of you work for the people of your states?”

Roland Burris (D-Ill.), Michael Bennet (D-Colo.), Kirsten Gillibrand (D-N.Y.), and Ted Kaufman (D-Del.) smiled and shook their head no. “We were all appointed by the Governor of our states,” they answered.

It was shocking. “There are five Senators that aren’t answerable to the people back home in Washington at the same time,” I asked incredulously.

Kirk replied, “Actually six. George LeMieux of Florida was also appointed but he’s a Republican so we kept him out of our bowling team.”

My pals and I headed back to the eleventh frame lounge in complete dejection. On Saturday, these five and LeMieux will be voting on a bill that could dramatically impact the nation. These unelected Senators could form a voting block in the 100-member body. I may have been able to bowl three strikes in a row once but these Congressional Caretakers could end up making the rest of us their turkeys and Thanksgiving is right around the corner.